Just One Essay

Unmotivated and doubtful,
Lazy and hesitant,
Made looking at the form so doleful,
What more be an applicant.

Dragging those weights of lethargy,
All clinging to my brain,
Eating into my time for study,
I begin to ignite my head's train.

Should i write about the Carbon Footprint?
Or Solid Waste Management?
My own thesis pun belum print,
What more, thinking about Fragments.

Everything done so last minute, i really dunno what to say,
Application pun pass up on the very last day,
Come interview day terpaksa speed on the highway,
Must-lah cut short my Malacca-Johore holiday!

Interview results scheduled on Monday,
Tuesday still no word, wah-say!
Come Wednesday i'd begun waving it goodbye,
But Thursday came and Karen said "Hi".

Eco-Camp Cameron's was an absolutely kingly memory,
Where we were pampered indefinitely,
Top class lodging and food to eat,
We even got to meet Mr Karam Singh from TV3!

It was weird how quick we opened up,
The moment we stepped into the bus, everyone started chatting,
Harith, Vivek, Adam, Juhai, ganging up with Acap,
Upon Fel, Nelly, Fatin and Syaz' laughter, even Jaron started talking!

From agricultural parks to tea plantations,
From ice-breakers to project discussions,
Laugh upon laugh we shared along every way,
But it was the walk within the clouds that took our very breaths away.

The crunch time came where we had to brace
For war in front of 5 environmental greats,
Doubting that we had what it takes,
We charged head on after having some cakes.

Award's night was unexpectedly grand,
From Datuk's, doctors and even the minister's right hand man,
We will forever be grateful that Bayer chose Le Meridien,
To celebrate the night where all are champions.

What did we do to deserve this experience?
The friends, exposure, and meeting with big shots - priceless.
We keep asking ourselves and Bayer this question to this day,
And to think all it took was just one essay.



"Then God saw everything that He made, and indeed it was very good....." Genesis 1:31

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Wishful Wonderment

Slouching silently on the backseat of the van heading to KL,my mind begins to wistfully wander and escape the blatant borders of reality. Staring serenely out the window,i see trees and greens whizzing by in a blur; dancing to their teasing tunes, waltzing freely in the wind within their boundlessness. I begin to envy their expressive elegance in their world free of inhibition, condemnation, judgment, bonds, limitations.....they are just being themselves.

As my spirit and soul attempts to break free from all things tangible to join this heavenly chorus and dance, i find myself soaring deep into wishful wonderment- away from the chains of the real world....away from the lingering remnants of business unfinished....and at that moment it dawned upon me that....

God has always given me wings to fly.

The click of the camera and giggles that followed shortly was cynically sufficient to draw my floating mind back into the crude confinements of the vociferous van. Swiftly, all present thoughts and tasks flood viciously back into my want-away mind. However, one significant fact, which was buried deep within bullish busyness, finally sank in.

I've graduated.

I never thought i had wings; or rather, i never dared learning to use them. I vividly recall the very first strides of my university life; the shortcomings, the unfulfilled expectations, the daunting dissatisfaction....spreading my wings and soaring with the wind into the "best days of my life" was merely a fantastical fragment (as a friend would say) of my fictitious fantasies. However, God was quick to remind me at those pivotal points of growing that "You may soar with Me".

Looking back in the past and all that conspired, I could not help but imagine how things would be for me if i had taken different decisions. "What's done is done", they would commonly say. And our Father's Words "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways" began ringing in my spirit. And i just think...

Maybe i have been flying all this while.

As the banter and shrieks continue to fill the jerking van, I look at my watch of 9 years and was reminded once again....

Time is flying!

Sitting straight up on my seat, with eyes closed and heart wide open, I begin taking deep breaths, filling the man within with calm and resolve. Smiling to self, I lean my head on the rest, and begin thanking the Lord for life itself. Too much time left unappreciated, too many breaths taken for granted, too many moments left un-embraced.

Gotta get back on THE track, i tell myself. God is waiting.

Upon reaching home and unpacking, i ask myself, What to do next?

And this is the story of how titusloh.blogspot.com was revived.

Say cheese!

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True Security

Major petrol and food price hikes,alteration in electricity tariffs...
What's next?
The implications of such drastic changes are immensely unforgiving , but somehow, we must adapt accordingly. Above all, learn to take nothing for granted. Funny how people begin cultivating fragmented and "charity" thoughts regarding the things around us only after some huge tragedy or, in this case, brutal economic shake-up..
How will we deal with life's interruptions?
Things change. Life interruptions will come in unforgiving fashion. Disasters may occur, and shocking news will flood our future.
Is there any hope around us? Is hope subtly dwindling away in an abyss? Are people searching for a hope?
Hoping in ourselves- our imperfect, flaw-ful, prideful, selfish selves- will only lead us to a utopian path of discovering our "purpose".
Hoping in the things of the world? It will all just wither away...

"...while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18

In the midst of all life's interruptions, and ever-changing circumstances, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever." Hebrews 13:8

Hang on with the changing circumstances, and the increase in life's expenses.
Just look outward and above, and you'll find solace in the midst of these storms.
That is where our hope lies.

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One Earth,relative worlds

Only one Earth,one human race,yet multiple,parallel,"worlds" of respective relativities.In one world,people practically swim in gold,yet in another,people don't know what gold means.

This is the world that we live in.

We just cannot afford to remain ignorant regarding all that's perspiring around us,or rather dormant in our own vacuous bubble of our pent-up perspectives.Simply too much is at stake.
Continually tugging in my heart is the absurdity of how our society has evolved and what our generation labels as "highly-esteemed".There is absolutely no doubting the constant moral deterioration these days,where vice and crime are deemed as a norm.Its sad.
Have you ever thought about how our society has headed into a path of contrasting proportions,where a certain someone (just my age) named Cristiano Ronaldo is being paid $120000 POUNDS a week (though he is an awesome player),yet some people not even earning that amount in their lifetime? A time where the top-earners are rappers/entertainers which (majority) sorely contribute to negative values?(no disrepsect to them) A time where Hollywood "stars" walk in glitz and glamour just for looking nice (all respect to their acting talents) yet individuals with respectable ethics devoted to noble professions eg. teachers,policemen (at least in malaysia) getting the lesser hand? A time where the wealthy can spend $1500 on a darned piece of chocolate or a miserly chunk of rare truffle, yet we hear of children in Manila eating donated plain white rice in the recent news? Its a time of infinite wealth in fewer hands.
Blame these global icons? No,blame our social evolution.

How has it come to this? And what are we going to do about it..

In the midst of our own relative abundance,i pray we'll all catch an awareness to seize every opportunity to do our part for others;within the confinements of our physical limitations.To some,our abundance may seem minute,but to others,our abundance is truly "abundant".
We are blessed.
Look outward.

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Entangled

Visit here for more details..As for me,what an experience it has been.The implications have been immense.Whether positive or negative, still beyond my grasp.But all in all, it has brought much change-physically,socially,emotionally,spiritually...Something so unlikely, yet materializing in the most awkward fashion.To blog more about it or not to blog more?Patience.

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Limits?

How far can someone possibly push their strengths & abilities?
I see people around me seemingly involved in everything and having their time so very occupied..yet still able to keep their sanity & feel fresh...
I see busy times ahead...have so much on my plate...got myself involved in a whole lot of stuff that's sapping my energy, my mind, my spirit...its just insane! I barely have time to take a breath and reflect...everything is just so hectic, so fast, so relentless...how do people do it?
I'm pushing myself to a limit i've never ventured before...something in me relishes this new challenge of "seizing" opportunities and discovering myself, yet, i feel so very physically and mentally drained...as corny as it sounds...but...i just feel so worn out!
Its been an absolute hurricane in my mind's realm! I actually feel the "pressure" and "stress", as so many people often say...but right now, i really do actually "feel" the toll its taking on me...its actually quite scary...Emotions raging in my head, and inexplainable sadness...is this what depression feels like? People use such words with careless liberty these days...but what do they actually feel like?
Makes things even harder, when you have your pleas for help falling on insensitive hearts and fabricated concern...When people offer "encouraging" gestures without even trying to understand your situation?

Have you ever felt that way? Feeling like you're in the midst of a void that intimidatingly shrouds you with thoughts of "who can help me" and "who actually cares about me"?

It is usually at such times...times of being on the brink of sanity...times where one more unforeseen circumstance will cause you to simply crumble under the pressure...times where your human will simply cannot hold you any longer...where we truly need the greater comfort & greater love...
God can help.God desires to uplift the broken heart.

I'm going through a turbulence i just simply cannot explain...Broken, struck down, weary, helpless and simply sad...i can't believe how sad i feel! I actually feel sad like never before..weird..However...
2 Corinthians 4:8-9...
"We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed..."

That is all thats carrying me through at this moment...
I somehow wish that Heath Ledger (the actor) found this hope...rumor has it that he took his own life, as he couldn't cope with the depression of a turbulent relationship with wife and daughter...a guy that seemed to have everything anyone ever wanted...handsome looks, fame, money...yet committing suicide, with seemingly no reason to do so...
At the end of the day, everyone is human.
So where do our hearts lie?

Allow God to extend that hope.
Hang on.

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What a start!

Can't help but be silent in despair as we look at the happenings around us; how vice has staked its unforgiving claim on our society today...
The disappearance of a little girl barely 1m tall.
A government minister being exposed for a sex scandal.
A point-blank Hollywood-like assassination of a politician.
What an auspicious start to a somewhat promising 2008....

Truth is, such implications affect us all, whether we choose/like it or not. Student & teacher, employer & employee...all of us forge an unwitting bond in the fight for social & moral restoration...
Choosing ignorance is a simple yet somewhat 'fulfilling' stand to take; however, considering the crap that is going around these days, i believe no one is exempted from the responsibility of upholding proper convictions. Migrating? Tempting choice; yet its funny how we find social problems 'tailing' us wherever we may tread upon-new paths & old alike.
Waiting for the authorities and those with power to 'handle' the problems? We all know where that will end up.

In the midst of our busy schedules of work,study & play, we just can't afford to play it selfish and let the ugliness shroading us be deemed as 'normal'. Its just not right to allow all this to free-flow within us; the effects are tremendous-to us, to the nation,to the future generations.
What can we do? As minute as our efforts may seem, every opportunity turned positive carries significance of immense proportions, and the collective effort of many in simply doing good things will propogate a long way...
Are we being continually frustrated by the seemingly "unjust" circumstances around us?
Opportunities will arise for us to make a positive difference...will we be willing to seize it when the time comes?


How nice if everything was as serene and peaceful...

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Blog Revival

Its been long...really long...
Eventful as it may seem, ironically, life somehow never really picked up.
Returned from GY Camp recently, and going as an advisor this year was truly different. Age is catching up! But it was good nonetheless; embracing the perks of an advisor role was a wholesome experience in itself. Despite the many setbacks, all in all, a camp penned as a good moment in time.
GY Camps, through the years, have had their respective impacts- each so different yet profound. Believe that each camp has come for a specific season in my stormy story of life, and GY '07 was no different. This year, i truly felt God's liberty. 2 Corinthians 3:17-" Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty ( freedom ) ".
That's all that ran through my mind and heart during that night of service... The wave of freedom. It was unexplainable... and spot on.
Been blessed at camp...

Currently on a month's break now.. Sem resumes January... Its like i've been studying like forever...
Caught up with Industrial Training placements, need to fulfil that middle of next year. And other updates? *......*

Just don't know what's missing.still.....

Btw, can't believe i missed Bus Company at the BOB's. Christmas Harvest Event clashed. I didn't get to see them win -_-". And i actually know people that won BOB! Argh!

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Humility...

Its so easy to blame God for everything sometimes. Even the most minute of issues. Yet it takes so much out of someone to just stare at the mirror and self-examine,with humility. Our lives are too small to be the prime focus of our energy and care. And the world most certainly doesn't revolve around us.

When going through troubled times,i often hear remarks such as "Someone UP THERE is playing some practical joke on me" , or "God hates me".And its just sad to hear.

Maybe its high time we just stare into our inner selves and just reflect...and we'll come to realise that our small little lives should not be "adored" in overblown proportions,and that there certainly is no reason to be overly proud of our humane achievements and attributes we "think" we are great at.There is so much more to this life than just living and dying and just trying to make it through another day.The higher and greater purpose.That is the ship we need to board.

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We are all on a Mission

We are where we are by God's doing.
Where we are is precisely where our true mission field lies.
Not else where.
Mission trips get you out of that comfort zone, and expose our ignorant minds to "the real world". It teaches us humility, gratefulness, and gives us a sense of urgency. Yes, all effort and work placed in mission trips are seeds planted and should propogate. But, most important of all, is what we carry back to our "daily" lives.
What use is our mission in a foreign land, when we come back "home" and act like monkeys?
We show love and compassion to people we do not know, but what do we show our neighbours and friends back home?
Can we contain all the eye-opening experiences and life-changing revelations obtained from missions and channel them continuously in our "daily" mission field?
To be able to perpetually bask in the beauty of a relationship with God... To maintain values and ethics that please God everyday..
That is the challenge.
That is the problem.
No space for lukewarm-ness.
One word - Consistency.
Do we have it?
If you do, keep it. If you don't, find it.
His eyes are upon us - mission trip or no mission trip.

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